Handling the Ups and Downs of Caring for a Mentally Ill Adult Child
We are sisters
We seek consistency
Unable to find flat ground
Accustomed to emotional unpredictability
Desperate to find balance
We are sisters
It’s been eight months since my last blog post, and a lot has happened.
My son has been living with me since late June of 2023. We’ve adopted a very clean, vegan diet. Cutting out all processed foods, msg, artificial and “natural” flavorings, oils, caffeine, soda, and chocolate. He has stopped asking me to make “normal” food and is thriving.
He looks and feels the best he has in years. He’s a healthy weight, has stopped smoking, lowered some of his medication, and has a positive outlook on life. My son still has mental health challenges but, he’s more rational and has started to have a better grasp that the voices in his head are figments of his illness.
My health has continued to improve as well. The stress of worrying about what may happen to him is gone and the long-covid symptoms that have plagued me since October 2021 have started to lessen. There’s always hope. Make small incremental changes each day and see where you could be in nine months.
“Make small incremental changes each day and see where you could be in nine months.”
It hasn’t been an easy road but, well worth the struggles along the way.
When I started changing up his diet, he balked, begged, and raged that I was depriving him of real food.
Many times, we backed up and allowed more old foods back in to allow his system to acclimate more slowly. He saw dentists, gastro doctors, and had several tests done to make sure his on-going constipation, vomiting, and lowered blood levels weren’t caused by a physical problem. They are all caused by the heavy doses of medications he’s on.
Other than one serious scare in November, when he experienced a seizure due to low sodium levels, he’s been healthy. We learned what he needs to do daily to maintain his blood levels.
A few years ago I would have been undone by all the ups and downs of the last several months. How do you cope when you’re faced with unforeseen drama and the emotions they create?
I’ve learned to put myself first, change my perspective, and find balance in my own life, and you can too.
Are you tired of the ups and downs? Are you ready to stop riding the roller coaster and take back your life?
Refuse to live your life as a hostage to your (mentally ill adult child) MIAC
Distance yourself emotionally, and if necessary physically, from your child’s trials
Find happiness despite your MIAC struggles
Don’t allow your moods to be dictated by your child’s behaviors
Live your best life if even if your MIAC will never be happy or successful
Want things to be better in your life
Be willing to work hard to create more peace and happiness for yourself
Be open-minded and change your viewpoint of what a “good mom” does and doesn’t do for their child
Separate yourself from your MIAC
If your life can’t get any worse, if you struggle to find emotional balance, if you’re ready to throw up your hands and admit defeat, then it’s time to make a choice to leave the amusement park.
It’s your life and you decide how it will look, what you will and won’t tolerate, and if you will allow others to ruin your happiness. Nobody makes you feel a certain way. You choose to feel that way. It’s not your adult child’s job to make you happy and they don’t cause you to feel sad, angry, or depressed. You choose those emotions. Your MIAC only controls your life if you allow it.
Your child is sick, my child is sick, but you still have choices like I did. I choose to live my life to the fullest, despite my son’s SMI (serious mental illness), despite the reality that he needs a caregiver, despite the tragedy of a young life lost. My being happy won’t make his life better, but it does allow me to handle the instability better.
Here are a few things that helped change my attitude. They can help you learn new ways, too.
Read books or watch movies about other parents who’ve faced tragedy and have gone on to lead productive lives. Here’s a book I wrote about my experience: Sisters in the Storm: For Moms of Mentally Ill Adult Children
Find a new hobby or interest. I started making SoulCollage® cards to heal my battered soul. A friend with a homeless MIAC loves to lose herself with painting.
Join NAMI.com, the National Alliance on Mental Illness to gain information on what’s within your control. NAMI helped me so much that I volunteered as a Family-to-Family facilitator for several years.
I connect with fellow moms on a private Facebook support group: Mothers of Adult Children Who Suffer With a MENTAL ILLNESS/ADDICTION
Fill your time with things that bring you joy.
You too can get off the MI roller coaster and begin to take back the life you put aside when your child first became ill. Begin today by taking one step towards a happier more balanced relationship with yourself and your child.
Just for today:
I will choose to put myself first.
I will strengthen my personal boundaries.
I will remind myself that I have no control over my child’s illness or happiness.
I will focus on my own health and well-being.