Co-Dependency: Just a Way to Gain Control
We are sisters
Enmeshed in our child’s life
Trapped in the drama
Lost in the chaos
Searching for a way out
We are sisters
How do you tell the difference between love and co-dependency?
Are you doing something for your child that they should/could do for themselves?
Do you make choices for your MIAC based on what you want?
Are all your decisions an attempt to “help” your ill child?
Do you feel bad if you stop micromanaging your MIAC’s life?
Have you created any positive changes in your MIAC’s life?
“Co-Dependency keeps us bound to people and situations that are not ours to fix.”
— Sisters in the Storm
If your entire existence revolves around your child, his needs, his illness, his addiction, his future, his problems, his life; you are co-dependent. Each of us was born to be responsible for our own life. When you take on your child’s, you do both of you a grave disservice. Your MIAC doesn’t have the opportunity to learn from mistakes and you lose out on living your own life.
Isn’t a mom supposed to make sure her child becomes successful and happy? No, a mom’s job is to give your child the skills and tools to figure life out on his own. Once grown it’s up to him to decide how his life will look, not yours. But what if he makes a mess of it all? Guess what? That’s his choice.
This is the hard part, you let him make poor choices and deal with the consequences. You don’t do him any favors by bailing him out. You send a message that you’ll be there to catch him every time instead of learning.
Another hard lesson, your choices aren’t making anything better. It only makes you miserable. Co-dependency is like a fly trap sticking you to your child. And you will be pulled down into the drama and chaos unless you declare your independence.
Co-dependency is really another word for trying to control another and we all know the only person we can control is ourself. Let go, and take back your life.
Just for today:
I will make decisions based on my needs.
I will allow my child to figure it out on his own.
I will offer only love.
I will focus on my own health and well-being.