Who Am I (Beyond a Mother of a MIAC)?

We are sisters
Without an identity
Who’ve taken on our child’s life
Given up who we are
Trying to reclaim our selves
We are sisters

For years I was just the mother of a mentally ill addicted adult child. I was so immersed in my son’s chaos and grief that I forgot I was so many other things. His disease is just one aspect of who I am. I’m a mother to another child, a grandmother, niece, aunt, sister, and lover. A co-worker, neighbor, mentor, and friend. I’m a reader, gardener, traveler, and business owner.

“I lost myself somewhere in my MIAC’s disease.”

— Sisters in the Storm

I forgot that I can choose who I want to be, where I put the focus. I chose for many years to be the victim of my child’s disease. Forgetting that he’s the real victim and I’m just the devastated bystander. I chose to cling to my story of tragedy and loss like it was a life preserver that would keep me afloat. Instead, all it did was drag me down under the drama and trauma of his illness.

When I was finally able to come up for air, it was clear, I had to stop playing the victim card in order to save myself. I had to remember who I was before disaster struck, before his future was shattered, before our family splintered, before my son became a casualty of mental illness.

Everyone faces some kind of tragedy.

And everyone handles it differently. I decided instead of making my son’s illness the entire story of my life, I would make it just one heart wrenching chapter. Is he still sick? Yes, and he will never be well. Am I still heartbroken over the loss of a wonderful young man? Yes, but staying stuck in victim mode won’t make my son better. All it does is shroud the rest of my life with a dark cloud.

Just for today:

I will remember this won’t solve anything.

I will focus on the good that still exists around me.

I will remember who I was before this illness.

I will focus on my own health and well-being.